Being Geralt

I don’t tend to play myself in games.  Obviously not.  I’m somebody’s mum.   I go to work, do the housework, take some light exercise and enjoy my leisure time.  There’s not much call for me to save the world or the universe, or even my immediate neighbourhood, and should the call come, I wouldn’t have the resources to answer.   So clearly, I don’t play as myself.  I suppose I role play the character, maybe including aspects of myself.  It’s not so much “what would I do in that situation?” as “what would I do if I was that character in that situation?”.

So I’m quite happy playing characters who aren’t me in terms of gender, age, abilities, etc.   But for some reason I’m having difficulty with Geralt in The Witcher.  It’s not that he’s male.   I’ve got on fine in the past when I’ve had to play male characters, and I sometimes even choose to play male.  Is it that he doesn’t seem to know who he is himself?   That could be it, although I loved playing the character of the Nameless One in Planescape: Torment,who suffered from the same problem.

Is it something to do with his voice acting or animation?  It could be.  Although the scenery looks fantastic, Geralt doesn’t.   He seems kind of flat, but maybe that just fits in with his background and story.   He doesn’t seem to be capable of changing his expression, so it’s difficult to work out what he’s feeling.

Or maybe it’s that he’s just not close enough to me in what he says.   The things he says and the way he says them seem a long way from what I would choose.

Maybe I just need to take control of the character more.   It feels as if the game pushes him to be a drinker, a gambler, a womaniser and generally a fairly unlikeable hard nut.   But there are choices to be made, and I can choose not to drink, gamble or womanise and choose the most likeable route.   I speculated about my motivation for choosing the “good” options in other games in a previous post.   Maybe another motivation is simply that I want to like the character that I’m playing.

It’s not that I’m particularly against drinking, gambling or womanising.  I do wonder if gender comes into it here: if it was man-ising rather than womanising, would I be able to identify more?  Perhaps, and maybe I’d find it amusing to collect the cards.  But there’s something about the way sex and romance in the game has been handled so far that isn’t appealing to me at the moment.   I was trying to put my finger on it, and I think it’s perhaps that it’s so skimmed over.   The casual sex might be interesting if you saw a little of it, maybe a kiss at least, and perhaps had to choose some dialogue that would change its course.   Instead it seems to be a quick agreement that you’re both up for it, then a flash of a card, like a notch on a bedpost.  It all felt a bit juvenile and detached.

But then I completed a quest where, just after sex with a woman, I had to choose whether to save her or give her up to a baying mob.   Suddenly, there was a point to the sex.   Having done it seemed give some extra meaning to the following scene where Geralt had to make that choice.  Of course, giving her up to the mob would be bad enough, but to have had his way with her first would make him an out and out cad.  Although I’d still like to see a little more substance to his sexual encounters, however brief and fleeting, I think I will feel much more drawn to the character if his liaisons had some meaning in his story.

Where Geralt is at a disadvantage, is that he’s finding his way in what appears to be quite an old-fashioned, sexist world.   There’s a general atmosphere of misogyny that I find disturbing, and perhaps it’s harder to subvert it when playing a male, rather than a female character.   I’ve become overly used to games which show a world where woman have the same status as men.   Sadly, Geralt’s world perhaps has more in common with the world I grew up in.   Meanwhile, I have to try to develop a connection to Geralt, a man in a man’s world.

Being Geralt

Slavery, racism, and the lure of the good side

Goodness me, it has been a long time since I’ve posted here.   Not only has real life got in the way, but I’ve spent my gaming time gaming instead of blogging.

As both of my readers might remember, I was very taken with Dragon Age and its opportunities to develop relationships with NPCs and make choices which affected the outcomes of the game.   Since then, I’ve played through more Bioware games with similar aspects: Dragon Age 2, Mass Effect, Mass Effect 2, Jade Empire and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.  I also replayed Planescape: Torment, one of my favourite games, and one which has some of those aspects I liked about Dragon Age.   These playthroughs have confirmed for me that I really, really do like those aspects of the games.    At the moment, I’m playing Lost Odyssey, and after the above run, I am continually frustrated by the lack of dialogue choices.   Actually, no dialogue choices.  The dialogue consists of clicking through to the next part.  It all feels so wrong.

Jade Empire was a very pleasant experience, partly because I didn’t expect so much out of it as the others.  And there was a great twist!  As in most of the above games, my characters actions defined whether they were a “good” or “bad” character.  I know good/bad is too blunt a description, but you know what I mean: paragon/renegade, light side/dark side, or in this case open palm/closed fist options.  And yet again, I found myself leaning towards the “good” side.

Why is this? In real life, of course, I like to think I’m a reasonably decent person.  I don’t use violence to achieve my ends.   In fact, I sometimes even balk at the “good” actions in games.  I don’t support capital punishment, and why would I want to kill anyone without a trial, even if they are an evil slaver? I mention slavers in particular, because in these games, killing slavers always seems to be justified as a good action, and supporting them in any way always seems to be bad.   Because I’m contrary, that just makes me want to find a way to justify slavery.   After all, if execution without trial is justified in terms of the setting being a different time and place, different politically, economically, traditionally and so on, then why can’t slavery be justified by the same means?   And where’s the line between outright slavery and “employing” people who have no other option?  You get the picture.  Anyway, I think that the games partially deflect some of the moral questions by having slavery as the exception rather than the rule and generally frowned upon.   It would be interesting to have your character have to deal with slavers in a setting where slavery was completely accepted, integrated and universal.  Not that the games completely avoid ambiguity.  I do remember the slave I rescued and employed in Dragon Age 2, who seemed confused, and possibly felt unprotected, by her new status as “servant”.

But I digress.   I wouldn’t kill slavers, or anybody (except in self defence, etc) in real life, so never have to make that sort of moral decision.   On the other hand, although I do give to charity, and like helping people out now and then, I wouldn’t, for instance, give a large amount of money to a stranger in need who asked, or put myself in danger for them in the way that I might do in a game.  So why do I find it so difficult to play closed fist/renegade/dark side?

I think that one reason is that there is a satisfaction in doing good deeds in a game, that you don’t get from doing evil deeds.  I love the feeling I get when I make the “right” choice to help a child or a grateful peasant.  I’m just wondering whether that feeling is the warm glow of charity being its own reward, or whether there’s a bit of smugness and self-righteousness.  After all, I don’t actually have to sacrifice anything tangible to be nice.   It’s a game.

I also feel that there’s a tradition of rewarding “good” actions.  Sometimes, if you say that you don’t need a reward, you get one anyway.  Or you help somebody and they fight at your side later.  Or you get xp.  Or you get a better ending.  So although people will tell you that video games like these are violent, in reality, they are rewarding good behaviour.  (And maybe encouraging killing slavers).

What about racism?  It takes a peculiar slant in these games.  I think most of us agree that racism is bad.  It seems to be shown as such in these games, but instead is presented as, I suppose,”speciesism”.    Rather being directed at other humans, bigotry is shown towards other species, turians, quarians, elves, dwarves, geth, etc.  Generally, we don’t normally have a problem with speciesism.  It’s just taken for granted.  It’s hard to imagine how our society would function if non-humans had the same rights as humans on this planet alone, never mind on other planets.

But essentially, the non-humans we’re talking about in these games are human in all but name.  Even visually, most of them look pretty human, in terms of size, number of limbs, etc.   To listen to, well, they are human, with human voice actors.   What is supposedly alien and non-human, is really more cultural.   The members of a species have particular characteristics in common, such as, say, a love of fighting, strong sense of duty or a Scottish accent, but some of these are things you might see in humans too.   Others, such as an exceptionally long life span, telepathy or an exoskeleton are clearly non-human, but not in a way that affects the essence of the person.  And they all speak English.   Honestly, if you listen to your non-human companions talking about their human emotions in their human voices, it’s clear that they are essentially human.

So you are not really making decision about speciesism, but maybe about racism-lite.   Which actually makes the decision easy, because we already know racism is wrong.

Slavery, racism, and the lure of the good side

Discipline … and the rudeness ratio

Wouldn’t it be nice if this blog was just about one character, and I could discuss the issues facing, say, mages in WoW, I ask myself?  I answer myself ‘No, it wouldn’t, necessarily’.  There are plenty of fascinating blogs there dealing with a single class in a single game, and written by much more competent players than I.   Meanwhile, I don’t see many blogs written by people’s incompetent altaholic, game-tarting parents.

I have three priest characters, so I’m not obsessed.  My highest level is in the 70s.  She leveled as shadow, then dual specced to holy at 40.  I thought I could use shadow for soloing, and holy for dungeon healing.  It worked OK, but not as well as I’d hoped.  I’m mostly out on my own soloing.  The minute I hit a dungeon I have to get used to a new setup.   If I wanted to level as a healer, I would have done better to stick to holy and queue for the dungeon finder, over and over.

A day or two ago, I decided to experiment with discipline on one of my other priests.   I had tried it for soloing before and it seemed terribly slow.  Now it seems much improved.   As a shadow priest, I always felt it wasn’t right that healing was sidelined.   I’m a priest, you know?  My low level discipline priest seems much more of a healer-killer.

I thought I would queue for dungeon finder and give it a try.  I explained to the group that I was new to this, and that they’d have to bear with me, giving the opportunity to kick if they didn’t want an inexperienced player.   Everything went fine until right at the end.  The tank ran ahead and engaged the boss in a different room while I and one of the others were catching up.  By the time I’d got round the corner, he was at half health.  I healed like mad, but sadly, it wasn’t quite enough to keep him alive.  Never mind.  I healed the rest of the team and we finished, then I ressed the tank, who blasted me for being a ‘noob’.  ‘Yes’, I said, ‘I explained that at the beginning’.

Now, who’s to say who was in the wrong?   He would probably argue that I was in the wrong for not keeping up with the tank.  I could argue that he was in the wrong for not waiting for the healer.  But in the world of Somebody’s Mum, ultimately, he was in the wrong … for being rude.  I honestly don’t care whether people I group with play well or not.  (And actually, with everybody except me using heirlooms, it’s difficult to fail even if the players aren’t that great).  I do care about them being polite.  I had explained at the beginning that I wasn’t competent.   Perhaps, given that, he could have spent a few seconds waiting for me to catch up at the end, or even doing a ready check (whatever happened to those?).   Or he could have acted exactly the same and just said nothing at the end.   I wouldn’t have minded.  But I did mind him being rude.

Does World of Warcraft bring out the worst in people?  I don’t encounter rudeness in real life nearly so often as I encounter it in game.  Is that because the fact that it’s online rather than real life encourages rudeness – it’s not like being rude to “real” people, to their face?  Is it just that I’m lucky enough to work, live and socialise with fairly polite people, and I have too rosy a view and too high expectations?  Still, although the rudeness seems a lot more common than in real life, it’s nowhere near across the board.   Out of that group of five running that dungeon, only one was rude, so 20%.  Nobody was rude in my next dungeon run, which brings the figure down to 10% rudeness.  And so on.  Perhaps only 1% of people in WoW are rude, but of course, it’s the rudeness that makes an impact, and not the quiet co-operativeness of the rest of the group.

The trouble is that I have heard people cite the attitude of other players – the rudeness – as a reason for leaving WoW.  I don’t blame them.  I can remember rude incidents from literally years ago, that have made me lose interest in the game for a while.  It’s not a case of stomping off in a huff because people aren’t playing nice.   It’s a case of not having the motivation to log in to be insulted – while paying for it.

I’m still here, off and on, paying for the occasional month and happily being rather antisocial.  I think that’s because the rudeness ratio actually is quite low – nearer 1% than 50%.  I would rather not have an ‘incident’ every few months, but I can maybe cope with that frequency.  I can leave the party, use ‘ignore’, go and get a cup of tea, and maybe, now I have this blog, write about it here.  And be grateful for the 99% of players who are polite, helpful or just silent :).

Meanwhile, I carried on and did another couple of dungeons.   Nobody died, even though we had a hunter with a death wish (who was eventually kicked from the group for incompetency and lack of English.  I didn’t vote.  As I said, I don’t mind how people play as long as they’re polite.  And it added a little extra level of challenge and practice, having to keep the hunter up).   So I did OK, although I definitely need more practice to get to grips with discipline.  I don’t have any add-ons at the moment and don’t intend to get any, so I’m using the default interface, and haven’t yet worked out if I prefer to use the function keys for targetting and the number keys to cast, or to use the mouse for one or the other or both.

Discipline … and the rudeness ratio

Why do I pay to do things I don’t want to do?

I’m playing World of Warcraft again for a while, with the aim of getting my characters ready for Cataclysm.  Not all of them, of course.    I have the full compliment of alts, but have only passed level 60 with a small number of characters, and I only have one level 80 character (after playing since just after release!).   My plan is to get one more character to 80, and to level up the 80s characters’ professions so that they’re ready to train up.

Why only two characters?  Simply because they’re the only characters with cold weather flying.   I’m sure the price of flying in Northrend is going to go down when Cataclysm comes out and I don’t want to spend the money on my other characters.   Amazingly, after playing for all those years and spending very little, I don’t have much in game cash.   Pretty much like real life.

Another thing I need to do, is make some bag space.  Those characters banks and bags are pretty full.  Of junk.

The character I’m levelling up at the moment is a druid herbalist/alchemist.   I make some potions, I have some spare herbs, I put them in the bank.  For 70 odd levels.    That’s a lot of “spare” herbs.  I don’t know what use I think I’m going to have for a stack of liferoot, but you never know, do you?  I could send them to my inscription..er (what do they call them?  Scribes?), but they “belong” to my druid.

My druid took a long time to level.  I originally started out in restoration.   I thought it would be useful in groups, but it wasn’t a huge amount of fun to level with.  She got to about 40 and then I more or less abandoned her.   At some point I decided to change to feral and suddenly it became much more fun.   I played in cat form up until I reached the Burning Crusade content.  Suddenly there was a host of new gear and I had to decide if I wanted to stay feral, and at some point I decided to change to balance.

I’ve stuck with balance for oh, about three years or so?  But you never know.   I might want to change to feral again.  Or, since I’m now able to dual spec, I might want to have a feral spec.  What that’s meant is that I’ve had to keep a complete set of feral clothes and equipment in my bags and bank.   It doesn’t sound as if that would take up a lot of space, but I need two lots, a tanking set and a dps set, because I don’t know if I might go bear or cat.  Then within those sets, I find it difficult to decide between items, so I end up keeping several dps shoulders, for instance.   And I’ve been doing that for the last couple of years.

This week, I’ve been trying to clear some of that stuff out.  Instead of spending ages comparing items, I’m going by the item level and the rarity.    I may even just go by the rarity and get rid of my stackload of green items.  Will I really need them, even if I do respec?  Couldn’t I just buy some stuff on the AH?

I may also have a purge on all those “sentimental” items, and the things that I need once, but probably don’t now.  Talvash’s Phial of Scrying that I’ve had since 2006?  Isn’t it time to let it go?

The process reminds me so much of real life.  Every so often I declutter my house and have the same dilemma over clothes that are the wrong size (but which I might wear again!), or items that I must have kept for a reason, so still feel the need to hang on to, even though the reason now eludes me.  Or things that I was given as a present, so don’t like to just throw away.

And that makes me wonder why I am paying to recreate the low level stress of sorting out my affairs, but in a game?  Or is it actually helpful for me to succeed at this task in game? Does it motivate me in real life?  I’m not sure.

It has often struck me that I lot of what I do in MMOs has a real life equivalent, and the real life version is often something I don’t really want to do.  Sometimes I don’t even want to do it in game, but feel the need to for some usually minor reward.  (For instance, fishing repeatedly to get a skill up, or killing multiple boring, samey mobs to complete a quest).  I not only do it, but (in WoW, at least) I pay to do it.   What is it about these games that draws you away from some boring household task, such as cooking, to do some boring in game task, such as cooking?

Why do I pay to do things I don’t want to do?