Long time, no post.   Like most people, I’ve been playing SW:TOR in my (limited) free time.

I say “like most people”, but I probably mean, “like most people in my guild” or “like many MMO players”.    I’m in a situation where I don’t know anyone in real life who plays SW:TOR (apart from my son, and the guild member whom I’ve met in real life).   I hardly know of anyone in real life who has heard of SW:TOR.

Such is the loneliness of the older gamer.  I very occasionally mention my gaming to friends my age, but there’s nothing to discuss unless they play.   I think they’re mildly amused at me pretending to be a gnome or whatever in my free time, but there’s nothing to discuss unless they’re gamers too.  Which they’re not.

Even on the internet (never mind real life!), older female gamers don’t have much of a presence.    I can only think of one in my guild, and she’s not playing SW:TOR.   I’ve had a look for blogs or forums, but haven’t found much – it’s easy enough to find female bloggers, but older female bloggers?  And I don’t mean older than 25.  I mean around my generation or up.  Teenage or older kids, wearing varifocals, remember everything (leggings, dry hair shampoo, Thatchermania, all the older-than-me singers making comebacks, the story referenced in this post title) first time round, etc.   We exist, but we seem to be largely invisible.

There are websites, forums and blogs about “girl” gamers.   I know that I don’t have to be under 18 to be referred to as a girl, but still, I can’t seem to think of myself as a girl gamer.  To be fair to those who do use “girl”, they aren’t exactly spoiled for choice.   What should we be called, if our sex is to be identified?  Lady gamers?  Women gamers?  Female gamers?   All of those names come with baggage.   I’d go for “women” myself, but apart from anything else, I’d lose the alliteration of girl gamers.

And when I’ve read about girl gamer issues, a lot of it seems to be about being “hit on” by guys, something which doesn’t seem to be a problem for me.  (Why not, eh?  Do they know that I’m somebody’s mum?  Can they sense it?).   (Not that that’s the only issue.  I’ve been reading some interesting stuff about sexism in SW:TOR, something I feel I’m not far enough into the game to make judgment on at the moment).  I don’t even have much in common with the women who are juggling (not literally) small children and gaming, although I can sympathise.  I’m past the small child stage, and on to the picking up from girlfriend’s (my son’s, not mine) stage.

So what are my specific, older female gamer issues?   I suppose that it’s balancing game time, but in a different way.   My son goes to bed at the same time as me so I no longer have a couple of clear hours in the evening.   I’m in a household which has a certain level of noise right up until bedtime, so using Mumble, Vent, etc., is problematic.    I’m having to budget for my son’s education and my own pension, so money is limited.  I have health problems that I didn’t have to deal with when I was younger and that can sometimes affect my gaming (I’m convinced that my many medications don’t help!).   My eyesight isn’t what it used to be and my varifocals don’t seem to be designed for looking at a computer screen.

These aren’t moans, but just issues that I don’t seem to have in common with other people.   The main issue is simply that I’m on my own.  I can’t talk to my friends about my gaming because it would be boring and they wouldn’t understand.   They don’t seem to feel the urge to game and I don’t understand that!     It’s not loneliness as such, because I don’t feel lonely, but maybe aloneness.  Solitariness.   But with the feeling that there are others like me out there.  I just haven’t met them yet.